P.S. I love you

First of a many movies on my bucket list. Today I saw “P.S. I love you” with my bf. I actually should have thought this through; it was night time and I should have picked a different movie, less depressing. As you can probably guess, I am posting this here tonight at 2AM in the morning because I can not sleep…due to post-depressing-movie-syndrome. #fml

So, here is the movie that we watched…

(trailer link): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GNxdc-wlw4

(Movie link): http://www.gsmovies.com/movie.php?id=4432

I can’t even begin to explain the agony it has brought upon me. Read the synopsis on wikipedia if you don’t wish to see it, but it was so touching. Basically, long story short, “A young widow discovers that her late husband has left her 10 messages intended to help ease her pain and start a new life.” – (IMBD)

Now, during the movie when I was with my boo, I didn’t cry so much…I don’t know I guess the actuality of it all didn’t hit me until a little after, when I got home.

I guess the thought of it all. I think it him me pretty hard, because the main protagonist and her husband reminded me a lot of my boyfriend and I. I mean, just the arguments they have, the kind of things she’s worried about in the beginning, and just in general their experiences, somehow I can really connect with them, and all that happens in the movie just really touches me where I feel it the most… if that makes sense.

I was talking to my friend about it, and she reassured me saying that my bf won’t die or anything and not to worry… but I guess it’s not even just that. Or… maybe it is? I don’t know. Just the thought of it all… really gets me depressed, even though the movie technically has a happy ending, it’s not like he comes back to life, right?

It also gets you to think… life is really unfair. And you start getting kind of paranoid at all the things that could possibly go wrong in your life. I just felt super in despair after the movie ended; almost as if… as if I just didn’t know about anything anymore.

“We’re so arrogant, aren’t we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don’t realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn’t drive you to commit murder or doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair.”

The above is a quotation from the movie that a character says upon spying an old couple together happily. I guess, you could say I’m like that too. I often envy old couples in love, because it…gives me hope in a sense. Gives me something to hang on to, a beacon of hope if you will. I guess you could say, in this messed up world where people are always giving up on each other, when I see two people who have gotten through the hard times, put up with each other through each others shit and were able to stay together through thick and thin, I feel super warm inside. Almost like jelly.

I think if I ever were diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would do the same. Well, not exactly but the same concept; leaving little tidbits of me. But unlike Gerry, I would be terrified; terrified of being forgotten. I guess in that way I’m very selfish and self-centered, but I could not stand for my loved ones to forget about me and replace me…it would just be too much, the thought of it even.

This has just been a night full of deep thought and heartache. I guess it’s arguable that I think too much, and I need to loosen up a bit, but I truly don’t know what to say or think or feel at this moment in time. I just needed to blog it out, and so here I am.

The movie itself, I really loved. I think it’s such an amazing movie and it touched me to the core; the amount of love this man had for this one woman, the things they endured even after death; the reality the movie touches upon. They did such a good job of portraying such a difficult turmoil and I simply can not recommend this movie enough; it may bring me a night filled with tears, depression and provoke my over thinking, but it is definitely something I would watch again. It’s just one of those super memorable, super thoughtful movies! Something like 8/10 for me in terms of numerical ratings!

I’ll end this blog post off with a quote that really touched me… it’s basically the quote that almost ends the movie/the letters she receives:

“Dear Holly, I don’t have much time. I don’t mean literally, I mean you’re out buying ice cream and you’ll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn’t to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It’s to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful… literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you. “

Please, don’t tell me that didn’t make you cry. I am actually crying as I type, my tears are dripping into my keyboard, what if my laptop water logs….

Thanks for reading. If you haven’t already, hope you decide to give the movie a watch!…

-Kat