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P.S. I love you

2 Jul

First of a many movies on my bucket list. Today I saw “P.S. I love you” with my bf. I actually should have thought this through; it was night time and I should have picked a different movie, less depressing. As you can probably guess, I am posting this here tonight at 2AM in the morning because I can not sleep…due to post-depressing-movie-syndrome. #fml

So, here is the movie that we watched…

(trailer link): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GNxdc-wlw4

(Movie link): http://www.gsmovies.com/movie.php?id=4432

I can’t even begin to explain the agony it has brought upon me. Read the synopsis on wikipedia if you don’t wish to see it, but it was so touching. Basically, long story short, “A young widow discovers that her late husband has left her 10 messages intended to help ease her pain and start a new life.” – (IMBD)

Now, during the movie when I was with my boo, I didn’t cry so much…I don’t know I guess the actuality of it all didn’t hit me until a little after, when I got home.

I guess the thought of it all. I think it him me pretty hard, because the main protagonist and her husband reminded me a lot of my boyfriend and I. I mean, just the arguments they have, the kind of things she’s worried about in the beginning, and just in general their experiences, somehow I can really connect with them, and all that happens in the movie just really touches me where I feel it the most… if that makes sense.

I was talking to my friend about it, and she reassured me saying that my bf won’t die or anything and not to worry… but I guess it’s not even just that. Or… maybe it is? I don’t know. Just the thought of it all… really gets me depressed, even though the movie technically has a happy ending, it’s not like he comes back to life, right?

It also gets you to think… life is really unfair. And you start getting kind of paranoid at all the things that could possibly go wrong in your life. I just felt super in despair after the movie ended; almost as if… as if I just didn’t know about anything anymore.

“We’re so arrogant, aren’t we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don’t realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn’t drive you to commit murder or doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair.”

The above is a quotation from the movie that a character says upon spying an old couple together happily. I guess, you could say I’m like that too. I often envy old couples in love, because it…gives me hope in a sense. Gives me something to hang on to, a beacon of hope if you will. I guess you could say, in this messed up world where people are always giving up on each other, when I see two people who have gotten through the hard times, put up with each other through each others shit and were able to stay together through thick and thin, I feel super warm inside. Almost like jelly.

I think if I ever were diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would do the same. Well, not exactly but the same concept; leaving little tidbits of me. But unlike Gerry, I would be terrified; terrified of being forgotten. I guess in that way I’m very selfish and self-centered, but I could not stand for my loved ones to forget about me and replace me…it would just be too much, the thought of it even.

This has just been a night full of deep thought and heartache. I guess it’s arguable that I think too much, and I need to loosen up a bit, but I truly don’t know what to say or think or feel at this moment in time. I just needed to blog it out, and so here I am.

The movie itself, I really loved. I think it’s such an amazing movie and it touched me to the core; the amount of love this man had for this one woman, the things they endured even after death; the reality the movie touches upon. They did such a good job of portraying such a difficult turmoil and I simply can not recommend this movie enough; it may bring me a night filled with tears, depression and provoke my over thinking, but it is definitely something I would watch again. It’s just one of those super memorable, super thoughtful movies! Something like 8/10 for me in terms of numerical ratings!

I’ll end this blog post off with a quote that really touched me… it’s basically the quote that almost ends the movie/the letters she receives:

“Dear Holly, I don’t have much time. I don’t mean literally, I mean you’re out buying ice cream and you’ll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn’t to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It’s to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful… literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you. “

Please, don’t tell me that didn’t make you cry. I am actually crying as I type, my tears are dripping into my keyboard, what if my laptop water logs….

Thanks for reading. If you haven’t already, hope you decide to give the movie a watch!…

-Kat

FamJam time at the Falls

5 Jan

When I said Falls, I meant Niagara Falls 🙂

So basically for a night (2 days) my family and I decided to venture to Niagara Falls and stay at the Embassy Suites 🙂 We stay there at least once a year, and it’s quite an experience. If you want specific photos of the kind of Food and Pictures of the falls, I did a better job of capturing those moments last year, which you can see at my Japanese blog:

http://ameblo.jp/nyanko-sweets-hime/entry-10853090044.html

But again, those are just pictures of food (if you wanna get hungry LOL)

Here’s the site for it if you’re interested 🙂 I don’t think it’s that expensive, considering they give you meal vouchers…and it comes with a free breakfast buffet I think 🙂 I’m not sure how much but if you want you can check it out ^^

http://www.embassysuitesniagara.com/

Soo anyway, the sad thing was before we left for Niagara Falls, Mr. Leo and I had a fight wtf.

I was all like

But I was quite chipper for most of the trip because

a) If I wasn’t, my mother would flip out on me

b) My family tends to be hilariously good at taking my mind off matters. (Ex/ My daddy says the funniest things. My sister wore her pj sweats to the roots outlet store, my dad took one look at her and started walking far away from her, and as he entered a different store he yelled out, “Lisa you’re an embarrassment to the Ng Society!” LOL it’s really funny the way my Daddy says things XD )

Doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about him though.

So anywho, I took Junior (got from Mr. Leo, because apparently it reminds him of when I’m all happy and trolling XD) to Niagara with me 🙂 (and yes, I have fallen victim to taking pics with my itouch and using instagram on it! Shhh! XD)

Yes, I had my forehead out this day. I know, I know I have a HUGE forehead, but it can’t be helped 😦 working on getting rid of acne. Anyway, so me and Junior were huddling the entire trip 🙂

^My Daddy, driving like a boss.

^The ceiling of the hotel lobby 🙂 I thought it was really pretty so I snapped a shot! Aesthetics in a hotel are extremely important you know!!

^Just wanted to emphasize how pretty the lobby is. The entire hotel is extremely neat and spiffy just like the lobby! This hotel never fails to impress me at how well it presents itself.

So….before going to the hotel, we went to some outlets to shop! I was trying to find stuff, but honestly I couldn’t find much. Bought a top at Garage though, that I might post pics of if I wear it LOL Here’s me posing with the Garage bag…

^Yup, just an excuse for me to post vain pics of me you don’t wanna see. My rash is getting better by the way! 🙂

Below are some pics of the falls at night from our suite 🙂

I think its very pretty, but my pictures do no justice to the beautiful view 😦 The falls are so nice, with the lights behind it and everything!

So…the hotel also offers free drinks !!! …. Yes I had some to drink

My Dad initially got it for my Mom, but she was like, “mehh” and I downed the entire thing… I know, I know…

I’m too hardcore for you people. #sarcasm

^It was like Strawberry flavoured 😀 It tasted mad good to me!… unfortunately…

^It got me red (.__.) It’s not as if I was drunk or anything, don’t get me wrong. But I was already red (T__T) Just like my parents, apparently I am not strong when it comes to alcohol…

Mother even chastised me because I seemed “drunk” (….I was actually perfectly fine. Just felt nice and warm inside)

Anyway, then we ate at the KEG  (again, for pictures of the food there, click the above link to my Japanese blog entry) It was mad delicious, but I swear I’ve gained mad weight…

That night, I spent a lot of time texting friends (I don’t quite remember why, but I was talking stuff with them, qqing and just ranting LOL…while my Daddy was beside me watching a program on tv about hoarders…) My sisters and mother were in the other room watching some next movie together (which my Daddy and I were like indifferent to, so we didn’t join them).

The next morning we woke up at like 7!! To eat breakfast 🙂 I was going to put on makeup… but got lazy. So, I just put on clothes and we went to eat breakfast 🙂 Ate a nice omlette and some other stuff, delicious. I love french toast.

THEN WE LEFT FOR BUFFALO! SHOPPING DAY~

^Me and Junior again.

^So…in the mall we were at, there was this RANDOM POLE and you know what?…It said “Welcome” in all these different languages… EXCEPT JAPANESE. #rage

Yeah, reader is probably hating all these memes I’m using 😦 But I can’t help it!…. ’cause you see…

“ERRRYDAY I’M 9GAGGIN” …quite literally ….. I have no life 😦

I even made Mr. Leo 9gag from time to time XD

^and this last pic here is of the supermarket we go to all the time to eat delicious Subs 🙂

When we got home, I went over to Mr. Leo’s and we got over our fight 🙂

Unfortunately though, I forgot to snap a picture.

We hung out today too..and I was wearing makeup!…And…forgot to camwhore 😦

Next time I will! hahaha! 🙂

That’s all for now! Thanks for reading and I do wish for YOU to follow my blog and comment! ❤ 🙂

-Kat

^…my forehead salutes you 😦

#Lifeone: Exam Stress

23 Jun

Ok! So why haven’t I posted in forever? Two words my friends…EXAM PANIC. okok so maybe it wasn’t all exam’s fault since there was a chunk of time in between. But during that chunk of time I had mad summatives, so no time to blog! teehee >< 

So speaking of exams, I am here today to BITCH about my exam week this semester. I’ve had….maybe 6 sets of exam weeks in total (makes sense, 2 semesters per year, 3 years)? And by far this has been the worst one! Why? Well..

1) I caught a cold during exam week
2) I came down with MAJOR fever, nausea and upset stomach 2 days before my 2 exams!  (wtf!)
3) I had 2 exams on the same day (ok, ok. Maybe I’m soft but still <<)
4) I forgot EVERYTHING I learned for both exams! (Ok, my fault but still…)

Ok. let me just RANT about how horrible it is to have a FEVER 2 days before 2 important exams?? The biggest piss-off is that I’ve been nothing but healthy this entire school year literally, and during the week where it matters the most, I fall ill and my body breaks down. What are the chances? T__T Very mad at myself! 😦

Also…I think people shouldn’t have more than 1 exam in a day. Ok, I know this is not realistic of me to say…but it’s idealistic of me. Because personally, I like to study for ONE exam, get it over with and study for the next exam. I feel it’s the easiest and best way for most people…am I wrong?

The stress I was having the night before exams can be seen on my twitter lol. I was probably updating every 2 seconds….here lemmie screencap it:

that is like only a sample of my pre-exam stress freakout! lol.

At the end of the day: I hate exams. I honestly don’t see the point in them because I feel like they only exist to make you feel shitty. (Ohh trust. I never do well in exams, thats why I have to ace the course so that I can do ok in the exam and still pass the course with the mark I want).

Sighh

me…making an ugly face at exams wtf. I hatee!

Erm…now a little picture redemption to make up for that ugly pic…

That is also my current msn display picture haha!  🙂

PS on a final note: I did a review on Asahi’s reset body diet bar on my shared blog: http://merigonxnyanko.blogspot.com/2011/06/asahis-reset-body-diet-bar.html

The blog above is a gyaru-style blog that is shared between myself and my friend Merigon. I will still post on this blog more regularly, as the other one we take turns blogging on. :)!

-Kat

Comments are appreciated! ❤ I eat them up ❤ 🙂

Apparently my Friendship is Disposable

20 May

So…. I’m pretty tired of bullshit friendships. Especially from guys….

Iunno, I usually like prefer to have guyfriends (or so i thought) but, its just all very disappointing I find lately. Don’t get my wrong, I LOVE the girlfriends I have. I really do. (The real ones, not the ones that pretend you don’t exist if someone better is around, or pretend not to even know you at times). My point simply is, that with girlfriends, alot of girls are bitchy-backtalkers, whereas guys are much more chill to be around *or so i thought*.

Today, I thought about all the guy experiences I hate, that just were the worst. In fact, I wish I never met some of these people. Otherwise, wish that, we coulda talked it out. Because, these people were really close to me. With the girlfriends I’ve had, it wasn’t like something happened and all of a sudden they ignore me. No, my girlfriends, we just don’t have classes together anymore, but we still recognize each other in the halls and talk. Not these guys. Let me rant it out and hope SOMEBODY reads this. ‘Cause….who doesn’t like venting to SOMEONE. ?

Guy #1 and #2 (together): Let’s call them Raindrop and Sephora.

Raindrop was a guy I met online per say. Not a virtual friend mind you, we had connections through my siblings and such. That’s not too important though. What’s important is that, we were close. We got mad close. To the point where, we told each other everything, or so I thought. We talked almost all day, and everyday I’de look forward to talking with Raindrop. Raindrop texted me sometimes too, which made me happy. Then he introduced me to his best friend Sephora. Sephora and I got pretty close too. We were like a triangle of friends. It was interesting though, Raindrop wanted me to hook up with Sephora. I didn’t really want either of them in that way, I just really loved their friendship. Yeah, they might call bullshit on this one, but honestly I did. Whatever. After awhile, (btw, I go to a diff school than Raindrop and Sephora) we decided that we would meet up and go trick or treating together.I was actually really excited. Alot of “Drama” happened after that. Now that I think about it, I feel like Raindrop and Sephora were just playing with a little grade nine girl and her mind/heart whatever. Raindrop told me numerous times that he loved me (interesting, no?) yet, he kept trying to get me with Sephora. Then, one day out of the blue, Raindrop told me that he was going to ask some other girl out. Yes, it bothered me. Bothered me so much to a point where I cried. It’s not really as if I liked Raindrops liddat or anything…. just the fact that, someone could say something one day, and just do something completely opposite the next. That broke my heart. Eventually, I went trick or treating with Raindrop, Sephora and their friend *lets call him* Milk. Raindrop and Sephora stopped really caring about me after that. Apparently I was too fat and ugly. Because that constitutes as a reason to stop talking to someone.

Guy #3: Lets call him, Stick.

So, Stick went to my elementary school, and I considered him a close friend. I’m pretty sure he considered me close too, once upon a time. Anyway, we were so close that, we considered each other “siblings” almost. We would randomly talk, and just got along. One day, Stick tells me that he’s in absolute love with a girl, lets call her “MSN”. MSN was in one of my classes, and Stick would ask me about her. He would tell me that, he fell in love with her smile or summin liddat and told me alot. I wanted this to work out for him, so I tried to help him. I realized though, that Stick probably didn’t give a shit about me. Iunno. Whenever I saw him in the halls, I would try to say Hi, but he would maybe nod, or just walk away. It hurt, I guess, that, I was just maybe an information source for him? But whatever, right?

Guy #4: Let’s call him, Chemical.

Chemical was someone I met in my grade 10 year. Came from an international school in Asia, and, he was learning/knew some Japanese. I guess maybe that’s why we got close. Iunno. Anyway, I think we were pretty close friends, it was me, Chemical and our other friend, lets call him Jesus. I think for awhile, we were always together, thats how close we were. I was very attatched to them both, they were both my very important Oniisans. Actually, thats how much I trusted them. Jesus is still my friend, and were pretty tight. Near the end of that semester though, Chemical stopped talking to me. Well, ok. If I tried to strike up a convo, he would reply, but he would try and avoid it. He began talking to other people alot more (which wouldnt be an issue if he didnt ignore my presence…) and just forgot about Jesus and I. I realize this now, but Chemical made fun of me alot. Not….in a friendly way. In a way that insulted my intelligence and my existence, somehow. Like he was laughing at me. After the semester ended, he stopped acknowledging my existence all together. The only time he would talk to me, is when he needed me to do his Japanese homework. Back then, I did it. I missed him in my life. I thought us three were close, but apparently not so.

Guy #5: Let’s call him Kotaku.

This guy was someone I met in the summer before 11th Grade. He was really into Japanese things, so naturally we clicked. We didn’t have any classes together, but we got pretty close. Apparently, he liked me though. He even told me, but, I didn’t like him in that way, so we opted to stay friends. Even after that though, we got along great. Until one day, we got into a mini quarrel. It wasn’t even really a fight, just a disagreement of sorts. If you read my blog, or know me at all, you know my self esteem isn’t the highest in the world. So, maybe I pushed it too far, but I was complaining about my body, and Kotaku snapped. He basically told me straight out that, if I kept telling myself and people about it, they are gonna start agreeing with me, so I should stop it. After that, we just stopped talking for awhile. Actually…I was hoping we would work it out….I went to his classrooms, whatever. We just stopped talking for awhile, until Halloween. I msned him that night, and we both apologized. I thought everything would be okay after that, but apparently not so. After we made up, he stopped talking to me. First it was subtle, (he would rush away saying he has to go when i tried to conversate). Now though, we completely ignore each other in the hallways. Actually, its as if we had never met. Actually, it makes me want to cry.

I mean I know this isn’t the worse that could happen. I’m not craving for everyone to feel sorry for me or anything. I guess it all just got to me. How, no matter what, I just don’t mean a thing to any of these people anymore? Yeah, I just left it for awhile. Kept it inside. What Kats normally do. But, I can’t, I’ve reached my limit. I’m tired. I’m tired of dealing with this kind of shit.

If in the end, It’s going to end as if we’re complete strangers, then why even bother getting tight in the first place?

I guess this tells me something. My friendship is disposable. expendable. WORTH FUCKING SHIT. 

ok lets end this blogpost with a pic of me. According to a friend of mine, I look constipated. I’m not. I’m just tired. whatever. I can camwhore when I’m feeling shitty kenot?