Apparently my Friendship is Disposable

20 May

So…. I’m pretty tired of bullshit friendships. Especially from guys….

Iunno, I usually like prefer to have guyfriends (or so i thought) but, its just all very disappointing I find lately. Don’t get my wrong, I LOVE the girlfriends I have. I really do. (The real ones, not the ones that pretend you don’t exist if someone better is around, or pretend not to even know you at times). My point simply is, that with girlfriends, alot of girls are bitchy-backtalkers, whereas guys are much more chill to be around *or so i thought*.

Today, I thought about all the guy experiences I hate, that just were the worst. In fact, I wish I never met some of these people. Otherwise, wish that, we coulda talked it out. Because, these people were really close to me. With the girlfriends I’ve had, it wasn’t like something happened and all of a sudden they ignore me. No, my girlfriends, we just don’t have classes together anymore, but we still recognize each other in the halls and talk. Not these guys. Let me rant it out and hope SOMEBODY reads this. ‘Cause….who doesn’t like venting to SOMEONE. ?

Guy #1 and #2 (together): Let’s call them Raindrop and Sephora.

Raindrop was a guy I met online per say. Not a virtual friend mind you, we had connections through my siblings and such. That’s not too important though. What’s important is that, we were close. We got mad close. To the point where, we told each other everything, or so I thought. We talked almost all day, and everyday I’de look forward to talking with Raindrop. Raindrop texted me sometimes too, which made me happy. Then he introduced me to his best friend Sephora. Sephora and I got pretty close too. We were like a triangle of friends. It was interesting though, Raindrop wanted me to hook up with Sephora. I didn’t really want either of them in that way, I just really loved their friendship. Yeah, they might call bullshit on this one, but honestly I did. Whatever. After awhile, (btw, I go to a diff school than Raindrop and Sephora) we decided that we would meet up and go trick or treating together.I was actually really excited. Alot of “Drama” happened after that. Now that I think about it, I feel like Raindrop and Sephora were just playing with a little grade nine girl and her mind/heart whatever. Raindrop told me numerous times that he loved me (interesting, no?) yet, he kept trying to get me with Sephora. Then, one day out of the blue, Raindrop told me that he was going to ask some other girl out. Yes, it bothered me. Bothered me so much to a point where I cried. It’s not really as if I liked Raindrops liddat or anything…. just the fact that, someone could say something one day, and just do something completely opposite the next. That broke my heart. Eventually, I went trick or treating with Raindrop, Sephora and their friend *lets call him* Milk. Raindrop and Sephora stopped really caring about me after that. Apparently I was too fat and ugly. Because that constitutes as a reason to stop talking to someone.

Guy #3: Lets call him, Stick.

So, Stick went to my elementary school, and I considered him a close friend. I’m pretty sure he considered me close too, once upon a time. Anyway, we were so close that, we considered each other “siblings” almost. We would randomly talk, and just got along. One day, Stick tells me that he’s in absolute love with a girl, lets call her “MSN”. MSN was in one of my classes, and Stick would ask me about her. He would tell me that, he fell in love with her smile or summin liddat and told me alot. I wanted this to work out for him, so I tried to help him. I realized though, that Stick probably didn’t give a shit about me. Iunno. Whenever I saw him in the halls, I would try to say Hi, but he would maybe nod, or just walk away. It hurt, I guess, that, I was just maybe an information source for him? But whatever, right?

Guy #4: Let’s call him, Chemical.

Chemical was someone I met in my grade 10 year. Came from an international school in Asia, and, he was learning/knew some Japanese. I guess maybe that’s why we got close. Iunno. Anyway, I think we were pretty close friends, it was me, Chemical and our other friend, lets call him Jesus. I think for awhile, we were always together, thats how close we were. I was very attatched to them both, they were both my very important Oniisans. Actually, thats how much I trusted them. Jesus is still my friend, and were pretty tight. Near the end of that semester though, Chemical stopped talking to me. Well, ok. If I tried to strike up a convo, he would reply, but he would try and avoid it. He began talking to other people alot more (which wouldnt be an issue if he didnt ignore my presence…) and just forgot about Jesus and I. I realize this now, but Chemical made fun of me alot. Not….in a friendly way. In a way that insulted my intelligence and my existence, somehow. Like he was laughing at me. After the semester ended, he stopped acknowledging my existence all together. The only time he would talk to me, is when he needed me to do his Japanese homework. Back then, I did it. I missed him in my life. I thought us three were close, but apparently not so.

Guy #5: Let’s call him Kotaku.

This guy was someone I met in the summer before 11th Grade. He was really into Japanese things, so naturally we clicked. We didn’t have any classes together, but we got pretty close. Apparently, he liked me though. He even told me, but, I didn’t like him in that way, so we opted to stay friends. Even after that though, we got along great. Until one day, we got into a mini quarrel. It wasn’t even really a fight, just a disagreement of sorts. If you read my blog, or know me at all, you know my self esteem isn’t the highest in the world. So, maybe I pushed it too far, but I was complaining about my body, and Kotaku snapped. He basically told me straight out that, if I kept telling myself and people about it, they are gonna start agreeing with me, so I should stop it. After that, we just stopped talking for awhile. Actually…I was hoping we would work it out….I went to his classrooms, whatever. We just stopped talking for awhile, until Halloween. I msned him that night, and we both apologized. I thought everything would be okay after that, but apparently not so. After we made up, he stopped talking to me. First it was subtle, (he would rush away saying he has to go when i tried to conversate). Now though, we completely ignore each other in the hallways. Actually, its as if we had never met. Actually, it makes me want to cry.

I mean I know this isn’t the worse that could happen. I’m not craving for everyone to feel sorry for me or anything. I guess it all just got to me. How, no matter what, I just don’t mean a thing to any of these people anymore? Yeah, I just left it for awhile. Kept it inside. What Kats normally do. But, I can’t, I’ve reached my limit. I’m tired. I’m tired of dealing with this kind of shit.

If in the end, It’s going to end as if we’re complete strangers, then why even bother getting tight in the first place?

I guess this tells me something. My friendship is disposable. expendable. WORTH FUCKING SHIT. 

ok lets end this blogpost with a pic of me. According to a friend of mine, I look constipated. I’m not. I’m just tired. whatever. I can camwhore when I’m feeling shitty kenot? 

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11 Responses to “Apparently my Friendship is Disposable”

  1. Anonymous May 20, 2011 at 11:03 PM #

    I think I might just know who chemical is and guess what, he used to be a loser in the international school because he was an asshole who couldn’t make any friends… Trust me, I know the person he is. He used people and he was so full of himself. It’s like if he had a macbook to start with, and because he was so in love with the new desktop, he just neglected the macbook. That’s the sort of person he is.

  2. Anonymous May 20, 2011 at 11:06 PM #

    Oh and, you may ask who I am, well, similar situation as you but was even closer to him, once upon a time.

    • NyankoHime May 20, 2011 at 11:09 PM #

      Hey. Thanks for your comment. I believe I DO know who you are. I’m surprised you saw my blog though, seeing as we don’t know each other too well. And If you do know who Chemical is, well, I do understand that you were very close to him at one point. He is full of himself… I don’t know. I guess though, I just let stuff like this get to me. But honestly, I don’t care if any of these guys see my blogpost. They can’t do shit about it. XD….

  3. Desrow May 20, 2011 at 11:56 PM #

    After seeing how Chemical is very full of himself, I have a pretty nice guess about who it is…

    • NyankoHime May 20, 2011 at 11:58 PM #

      don’t have to guess lor. thats not thepoint of my blog, to expose people, otherwise i’de use their names! but yeah. I think actually, I make it pretty obvious who these people are. too fucking bad for them lor.

  4. Anonymous May 21, 2011 at 8:21 AM #

    I want to say something that has a deep, encouraging meaning for you, but when something like this happens to me, I don’t exactly handle it very well (In fact, I break down during the night, and I think I cry more than the average girl), so I think anything I say will probably be worth shit.

    But treasure those you have now, even if they may leave you in the future, don’t let a few bad ones turn your life terribly horrid

    • NyankoHime June 7, 2011 at 8:07 PM #

      i realized i never replied this…. but i did read it when i was in my phase. honestly, this made me feel better. I didnt know what to reply this at the time, but I mean…logically your right. I should just treasure what I have in the moment. I get that, but it doesn’t work out the same inside. It’s like, theres a random door thats blocking the way to my feelings…or something cheesey liddat. But i think ill try 🙂 because i wanna live each day like my last. well not really, but yeah 🙂 thanks ❤

  5. Madalynrae June 13, 2011 at 8:37 PM #

    I can’t really say that I can relate to you, seeing as most of my guy issues are due to my own awkwardness and inability to be an awesome person, but I get what youre saying. I was just bitching to my aunt (I have no friends…) about how absolutely unnecessary teenage boys are. Really, all they want to do is play games and get layed (laid?). It’s pretty lame.
    Anyways, I like the nicknames you made up. I can see how they would symbolize these boys (that is, if the names were picked for their symbolism, not just randomly. If randomness is the case, I’m just overimaginative).
    And I was gunna comment on a different post of yours about how stupid skinny you are and how you really have nothing to worry about, but rather than spamming you up, I’ll just write a bunch here. And I’m totally jealous of how you can put super cute outfits together. I couldnt make something match to save my life. Lol

    • NyankoHime June 14, 2011 at 11:42 PM #

      this… is one of the most heartfelt comments I’ve ever gotten :’)

      And honestly, I doubt you’re awkward and such, just because I feel like if you really were awkward you wouldn’t be able to write this kind of comment that practically made my day! Seriously, don’t tell yourself you’re not amazing! I don’t really know you, but from what I do know in this comment you’ve left me, you are an awesome person.

      Haha yess! All these nicknames do have special meanings to them hehe. It’s sort of how I remember them in a sense?

      Thanks again for this comment, I was kind of having a crappy day and like i said before, reading your comment made me smile 🙂

      PS. I tried clicking your bloglink, but apparently it doesn’t exist?

      -Kat

      • Madalynrae June 19, 2011 at 6:20 PM #

        I’m glad my comment made you happy 🙂
        I think I fixed the link thing on this comment. Not too sure though, but probably.

      • NyankoHime June 21, 2011 at 9:41 AM #

        OHHHH *headdesk* ive been to your blog before XDD I thought your name was somewhat familiar 😀

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